Obstacles “R” Us or The Magical Land of Bureaucratia

When visiting the all-too-near Land of Bureaucratia, remember -- the only good document is a paper document.

Sometimes life presents us with obstacles, and sometimes we make them ourselves.

I can accept the first and am especially proficient at the latter.

But I am not a fan of gratuitous obstacles, or obstacles for their own sake. These are a third, lesser-acknowledged variety found in those dark regions of the map where easy solutions are bypassed in favor of the needlessly complex. 

Our world is littered with gratuitous obstacle terrain – just look at any topographical map – but it's especially prevalent in the Bureaucratic, Institutional, and Governmental districts. Allow extra travel time when visiting these regions, where policy universally dictates that no road shall run straight when a spiraling road will do. 

One has sympathy for their engineers, naturally. Once, hiking Mount Monadnock, my brother and I looked at the trail map and chose, logically enough, the straightest – and shortest – path to the top. Optimistic, energetic, and without water, we later learned – several hours later – that the shortest path is sometimes the most steep.

The title of that essay is “Simple Facts We Had to Learn By Hiking” or “Sometimes We Don’t Think Well.”

However, unlike mountains assailed by unprepared teens, usually the shortest path is the best. Still, one has to admire a Bureacrat's ability to fit 200 miles of roadway into three square miles of prairie. 

They’re clever like that.

 When we do find ourselves on the pretzel logic highways of Bureaucratia, we must remain calm. Yes, they can be maddening, but if you need time to settle down, you may find some respite in endless hours of meetings. Not a fan of long meetings? That’s okay. You can think about why in the next round of meetings.

You might even find yourself on a committee. Or twelve.

While visiting, be sure to treat your conductors and ticket agents with civility, even if they’re naked but insist they’re wearing clothing – no, especially then. Above all, do not make eye roll contact when you suggest a shortcut and they repeat the mantra of their people: “We’ve always gone this way.”

You won’t win that one – it’s even on the flag.

Just remember the immortal words of Oprah Winfrey. “Lessons often come dressed up as detours and roadblocks.” 

For Obstacleville locals, this means detours and roadblocks are the very best lessons, and we should try to create as many of them as possible – the more arbitrary, the better. 

But for the rest of us, it’s a reminder that any detour into Bureacratia is a mistake. We should hasten back to our lives, where we know we can count on fate and our own stupidity to deliver enough obstacles for a lifetime.

Leave the gratuitous obstacles to the professionals.